HELD BELIEFS

I had looked at the photo for months and hadn’t noticed.

It’s one of my favorite family pictures, my squad of four plus our dog enjoying a beautiful day on the sandy shores of the Oregon Coast. One son is shirtless, we’re all in shorts, and the dog is wet and having the time of his life.

I love this photo.

I love it so much, that as part of my son’s recent end of high school celebrations, I framed it above a phrase that captured our heart towards our graduating senior:

“Of all the things you are and will become, our favorite will always be that you’re our son.”

Beautiful photo, beautiful sentiment, beautiful moment sealed behind the glass of a beautiful frame. 

The photo was displayed at his Senior Tribute, at multiple parties at our house, and has sat on my desk for weeks since. To say that I have paused to enjoy it at least a hundred different times would be an easy understatement.

Many eyes saw that photo and all gave it a positive comment. 

Apparently no one else noticed it, either.

But in a casual glance I caught what I had never seen before and now can no longer unsee. In my lovingly crafted sentiment, I had spelled ‘always’ without the letter ’s.’

“Of all the things you are and will become, our favorite will ALWAY be that you’re our son.”

In all the times I had read that phrase and admired the picture that sat above my own writing, I had only seen ‘always.’

But sometimes the mind only sees what it wants to see.

It’s not the first time this has happened. My business team once launched a mailing campaign along the theme of ‘we know our city.’ Each round of postcards highlighted the way our city had changed over the past 30 years, all while our service had remained outmatched. 

Sadly our first round of postcards went out with our city name misspelled. One gentlemen took the time to call in. ‘If you know the city so well,’ he pointed, ‘best learn how to spell it correctly.’ 

Thank you kind citizen, thank you. 

Multiple eyes had reviewed that postcard. 

But sometimes the mind only sees what it wants to see.

Aside from now laughable spelling errors, this statement holds true. Call it The Law of First Mention, Confirmation Bias or Selective Perception, our mind is on constant guard against that which would challenge our held beliefs. We see what we want to see, and in self-protection reject that which contradicts.

As I stare at the word ‘alway’ on my photo, this is all I can think of.

When am I seeing only what I want to see? I can easily point out when others dig into their held beliefs, but am I willing to admit when I blindly defend mine?

Can I hold to what I believe both so firmly and yet so lightly that I am not without compass, but also am not without course correction?

Can I set aside ‘us’ and ‘them’ to take a close look at the words I’ve written across my own life, creating room for others to point out errors?

I hope so. I’m trying. 

I hope we can try together.