THE DANGER of SUCCESS

Friends standing in a circle, a complement was offered up about my son.

I heard he had a great game, one said, I hear he’s doing well.

Thank you, was the reply.

And then a third voice, a ‘qualifying’ statement, a ‘clarification’ meant to diminish my son’s accomplishment, to subtly highlight how he paled in comparison to others. Although entirely untrue the comment caused a reeling, the mind unable to formulate a rebuttal before the conversation moved on. I imagine these remarks are typically offered up behind one’s back, not when you’re standing right there.

At first the statement made me angry. 

Mama bear is a ferocious creature, hard to tame and control once the cage door is opened.

And then it made me sad. 

I thought you were cheering for my son. I didn’t know his success threatened you so.

I’d call it the dark side of youth sports if it weren’t for the fact that it’s simply the dark side of humanity.

It should come as no surprise to us that there are those who are not celebrating our achievements and our opportunities - or by extension, those of our children. I’m inclined to believe that success is not a scarce commodity, but life often teaches us otherwise. In truth there are only so many deals to be won, so many positions on the team to fill, so many promotions to go around. Of course some are looking for chinks in our armor.

This should come as no surprise to us.

Because it’s exactly what we do to others.

I sat in a Zoom meeting last week with a woman who is widely celebrated in my industry, and for good reason. She is brilliant, full of life and absolutely killing it. But as the presenter listed her credentials and accolades, I found myself thinking, she can’t possibly be a good mother.

What???

At least I caught myself that time.

Slow your thoughts, Kiesha, observe but don’t judge your feelings. You celebrate success wherever you find it, especially in the face of another. But stop to consider your heart…why do you feel so threatened? Why are you so afraid?

Why are you so afraid? 

It’s a question I continue to ask myself.

Why do we believe that one bright light effectively dims all others? Why do we measure our worth on a sliding, pecking order scale? Why can someone else’s success cause us to drift away from the core of who we are?

Why are we so afraid?

Losing sight of our intrinsic value is dangerous, comparison absolutely lethal. Our identity is our most precious commodity, but it is often under attack - not just from outside, but from within.

Best we get on with some internal work before the monster spills out in public conversation.